downdrift

grampa died this morning at about 6:30. he was 82 years old. wednesday morning he was admitted to the memorial hospital in north conway. he was bleeding internally, and lapriscopic surgery was done on him. he was bleeding through an ulcer, and he lost over seventy percent of his blood. he had two metal bands inserted into his stomach to stop the bleeding. the following day he developed pneumonia with a fever of 104. being agitated, he had to be sedated because he was pulling at tubes and wires. friday his fever went down to 99 and i arrived with the rest of my family. we all had our hopes up, however we had a visit from the nurse who brought us down to the earth again, saying that his tempurature had gone up and that his blood was not oxygenating and so he was not making impovements. early this morning, he had not urinating, so his kidneys were failing. i pet his face, and he responded when dad whispered in his ear. we were called at 6:15 saying we should come in and at 6:35 we were called again with the nurse crying saying that he passed away. dad woke me up at 6:40 and told me. we wnt to the hospital at 9:30 or so to make arrangements and see him one last time. it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do.

he's dead. i loved Thomas Sullivan LeBaron so much. we as a family will never be the same. he is taking the underground train right now, and we are on the overground. i can't wait till i see him again, because then i will have attained his forgiveness.

/me *gives up completely on people*

i miss him so completely it's unbelievable.

it has come to my attention that my meds are working and people who pick their nose disgust me.

i want to go home.

sad faces in the waiting room
avoiding glances
stealing looks at the floor
i wanna run to the door
i just want something more

he's in there breathing hardly
holding hands
shaking heads and hearts
i wanna run to the door
(not acting anymore)
this is not his real part

hey
they say
everybody
needs somebody
i just need anybody
cause it's hard to breathe
he's on his own
and it's quiet now
i could plead
my heart is bleeding
there's gonna be some pressure now
he's my need

oh i wish there was time to mend
i need the father you were meant to be
i wanna run to the door
you are my dad to me

hey
they say
everybody
needs somebody
i just need anybody
cause it's hard to breathe
he's on his own
and it's quiet now
i could plead
my heart is bleeding
there's gonna be some pressure now
he's my need

oh there's time to mend
you're the father you meant to be
(just a little late)
(but) i'll be alone around the bend
but now you're the dad i need

hey
they say
everybody
needs somebody
i just need anybody
cause it's hard to breathe
he's on his own
and it's quiet now
i could plead
my heart is bleeding
there's gonna be some pressure now
he's my need
he's my need
he's my need
he's my need

so today is the second to last day of august. hurricane gustav is a cat3 but is fixing to become cat5 before making landfall. it's expected to hit the middle of the coast of louisiana by monday night or early tuesday. then there will be hanna... which is just like katrina and rita three years ago. , , iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivv;ccccc['''''''                         'ggg;fvvfvc9999999999999999cccccccolxcfjnhc-vp-g00x[v[

and that was shiloh my cat.

muahaha...all eighth dimention is gonna break loose, but hey in my bible reading, i just passed exodus 14:13. and it just further emboldens me. jehovah is our rock-so rock steady y'all.